Silent Swan

Making heads or tails of it

During these challenging times I've received a plethora of calls and well wishes.  Occasionally, out of a shared sense of suffering or pain, I would hear the sentiment of "Oh Yaniv, you poor thing" from the person to whom I was speaking.

It's interesting.   I don't feel poor at all.

I feel very lucky.

These last few weeks, I have had the opportunity to know what near complete dependance is and just how important we are in supporting each other.

I have felt deep gratitude in a way that I would not have been able to capacitate earlier.

I have come to know experientialy the value of years of meditation in keeping equanimity, clarity and positivity through extremes of pain, delirium and morphine induced depression.

I have been able to shed tears for someone other than myself, knowing what a taste of their suffering must be.

In re-learning how to walk, I am forced to focus and work hard, no shortcuts, no excuses, no way out.

I have been able to reflect on my own shortcomings when it came to others previous times of need.  I can see now how to act with greater sensitivity and care.

I've been able to share and say things to my parents for which there were no openings earlier.

I've been soaked in Love right from the beggining.

I've experienced the direct blessings of my Master from within, deepening my faith in our connection.

I've learned to appreciate the value of allopathic medicine.  It saved my life.

Near every moment of every day I've had the opportunity to value the preciousness of health and strength in this life.

I understand with greater depth the importance of the Yama's and Niyama's of Yoga, or alternatively the five Buddhist precepts of conduct.  These are not to be messed around with.

I have witnessed magnitudes of suffering I normally am numb too.  I have witnessed unbelievable generosity and kindness greater than any suffering.

I can keep listing more.  Tonight I met a man who in some way has been disabled since the mid 1950's, with unmendable broken bones.  He comes to the recovery center in his wheelchair every day because he has no one else to speak to, no where else to go.  I didn't know what to say to him, all I could do was listen, and even now it is difficult to think of him without choking up.

I am very lucky indeed.  May I remember this always. 

 

Health Matters

At one point in my life I fancied it might be nice to lay in bed all day with access to books, TV, computer and food. 

I guess we all get what we want eventually.

Have been working through some difficult health challenges the last few weeks.  Rather than recount the details, I'll paste below some e-mails I sent out.  Every one of the last few days has shown extreme imrovement in strength and mobility, so all is looking very good now.

One aspect I did not mention in my e-mails is that by the time I came into the hospital I was a day or two away from a serious life-or-death situation.  I did not find this out until a few days after arriving in the hospital.  It's not shocking as it is heart provoking. 

I also did not mention that a few days after returning from India, where I picked up the blood infection, I had a very surreal dream.  In it, I was flying back from India and time started slowing down tremendously.  Time was moving so slow, that I could experience the gaps between moments.  Intuitionally I understood myself to be experiencing reality from deeper dimensions and that the course of my life had been fundamentally altered.  Something had changed yet I could not yet see it.  Incidentally, as if to confirm the experience, during the dream I flashed several times to an extremely close friend, whom in the dream, as in real life, represented a fellow light warrior whose shared bond with me transcend any notion of time and space.  I woke up to my phone ringing.  It was the same friend whom appeared in the dream and to whom I had not spoken in a long time. 

I am interested to see where life goes from here.