"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." -Lao Tzu
I have been given an amazing life to live - so many deep and extraordinary twists and turns. In many ways, I feel that "I" no longer exists and felt its dissolution many years back. Ever since I was 17 or so, I stopped capitalizing the word "I", as it was too loaded with severe, habituated limitations. It's probably the same reason I stopped calling my parents "mom" and "dad" - these powerful words kept me locked in emotional ignorance that would never allow me to see them as who they really are. In a similar way, only rarely will I use the full name of John Silliphant, and instead generally use only a "j" or a "js." And very seldom take credit for things. Using the full name here is a rare exception.
The reason is that I don't believe in John Silliphant. Like the I of the past, it is just too loaded with mediocre assumptions - of a known personality and its structure - a type of a prison built of limited identity. I am a brilliant rising sun, a dark cry of anguish, a subtle bliss within the universe. Somehow it's very difficult to capture that in a Western name.
One thing I have now felt for a long time is that I would like to share my story before I let it go. I'm sure this interest comes largely from an ego desire to be credited with something I feel is special. But much more than that, there is a genuine sense of tragedy in failing to share my life story. In a final act of ego, at some point I may indulge this. Possibly then I will be more ready to let go of the limited container. This may take place here, or may not. I don't know.
This is a very interesting posting. I've posted my comments at This is a very interesting posting. I've posted my comments at http://www.bethechange.org/blog/mark/index.php?p=72.
Posted by: MBJ | April 19, 2005 at 01:55 AM